Mania
by sevenohfive
Summary: Nick J. is diagnosed with an illness not diabetes that will change his life forever. It causes him to do irrational things, things he would never do. This is his struggle to deal with it with his friends, family, and girlfriend. NICK/NILEY CENTRIC
1. Prologue

**Mania**

**Prologue**

_When the paranoia sets in._

_--_

My tarnished converse collided with the freshly paved asphalt with each step I made, each time, a hard mixture of substances composed of gravel and crushed rock pounding the soles of my feet. The ground was slick after the summer storm and it took everything in me not to fall and crack my head open. I kept my focus straight ahead, not daring to look back. I could only see what was about thirty feet in front of me due to the darkness and the poor streetlights. There was steam slowly rising from the hot pavement because of the moisture in the July air. It was peaceful in the night time. The only things audible were my feet against the ground, my heavy breathing, and the low murmur of crickets and owls.

I wasn't quite sure of the time, all I knew was that it was very early in the morning. I left the house around 1:20 A.M. I have been running for at least a half hour. I didn't exactly know why I was doing this, but it felt right. It felt like I was supposed to, and when I hit that point in my body where I couldn't stop, I had to leave. So I ran.

I don't know where I'm going. I do know that I'm going as far away as possible because I can't deal with this anymore. I can't face any one of those people ever again. I can't face what I've done, and especially who I've done it too. My heart, my soul, the only person who ever understood me until I became crazy.

I came to a halt, my heart and mind were still racing even though my legs had stopped. I desperately tried to stand still, my eyes looking in each and every direction possible, but I saw nothing of what I was searching for. I panicked. Going into panic mode made me panic even more and I found myself walking backwards, turning in slow, sloppy circles until I made my way to the side of the deserted road and my heels hit the curb. My breathing became uneven and shaky, I let myself crumble to the ground, forgetting instantly where I am and why I was here. The hot tears streamed down my cheeks, seeping onto my lips, the salty taste making me cringe, but I couldn't control it anymore. The mania took control of my body and then the paranoia set in.

--

A/N: Okay, there's the prologue...wow. I think it's okay. The story will be very interesting for not only you to read but for me to write. I have never written something where I had to do so much research. But I like writing in a different type of point of view, not only a guy's but a guy's who is suffering from mixed bipolar disorder.

10 reviews for chapter 1?

--


	2. Chapter 1

**Mania**

**Chapter 1**

I groaned as the sun shone through the half-open blinds of my window, waking me against my will. It's the first day of summer, thank god, if only the sun had the courtesy not to rise until noon. Usually I'd be able to fall back asleep easily, but I have a guilty conscious and I've been waking up all through the night. So at 6 am I'm finally saying screw it. I lazily sat up and rubbed my eyes. I grabbed my phone and dialed, probably the most familiar number that I know.

"Hey." I wasn't surprised when she answered, she's a morning person, always up at the crack of dawn. She sounded kind of careless. Of course, I expected it. We got into a fight last night... again.

"I'm sorry about last night." I said softly, out of tiredness.

"It's fine, I guess." She said and I couldn't help but feel a twinge of annoyance. She always makes a big deal out of nothing, then 5 hours later she says, "Oh it's fine... I guess." Every time I'd roll my eyes and she'd see it, or if she wasn't looking at me she'd sense it. The few things that really ticked me off about her. But who am I to talk?

"Can we talk about it? I don't want it to be shoved into that volt of arguments we never discuss." I said, hoping she'd actually agree.

"Fine." She said, clearly annoyed at me still. Reason number 1 to discuss this.

"I'll be over in 15 minutes." I told her.

"Okay. Bye." I heard her mumble softly.

"Miley?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you." I told her. It was quiet on the other line for a few seconds, long enough for me to recall the argument we had the night before perfectly.

"... I love you." She said softly and hung up. Alright.

* * *

6:30 AM and I'm standing outside my girlfriend's house waiting for her to open the door. I wonder what's taking so long. Why the hell does she do this to me? It's like she tries to get me pissed off just so she has an excuse to yell at me. I rang the doorbell once more and turned, walking down the front steps.

"You're late." I hear her say and turned around. I walked back up on the porch where she was standing.

"Yeah I know. I had to shower, eat something and it takes 20 minutes to walk here, not to mention it's 6 o'clock in the morning." I explained and she looked over my shoulder, I assume she was looking for my car.

"Where's your car?" She asked and I shrugged.

"My brother took it last night and of course, won't be home till later."

She nodded as we stood awkwardly on her porch. Why this was so awkward? I don't know, but it was really starting to piss me off.

"What's going on?" I asked and she shrugged.

"I don't know, you're the one who wanted to talk."

"Well, are you gonna invite me inside?"

"You know where the door is." She said and after I stared at her for a moment she raised her eyebrows. I walked past her and opened her front door, walking in like I would have done any other day, if we weren't in the middle of this awkward argument.

She followed in behind me as I walked up the stairs and down the hallway to her room. If there's one thing about Miley that every guy would like, it's her room. It's just so calming, yet not girly. It's not completely neat and organized, but it's not a total mess. It's calming, I don't know, I just love her room. I stood there in the middle of her room as she closed the door. She turned to me and looked at me, waiting for me to start.

"Can we just start with why we started arguing in the first place?" I asked and she rolled here eyes. Here we go.

"Oh.. yeah, let's just start there and end up arguing about it _again_!" She exclaimed sarcastically.

"Okay I don't understand why you're being such a bitch." I said and her head snapped up, a furious look on her face.

"I'm not being a bitch!"

"Yes you are! You know your family doesn't like me, yet you still want me to have to sit through their rude remarks all night while you don't even defend me!"

"Why can't you just go for me?"

"Because I can't!"

"Why? Huh? Would you just tell me why! We are right back where we started, you using the dumb excuse that my family doesn't like you and me wondering what other reason there is! I know you Nick, and you have never let my family get in the way before, now tell me why you won't come to my grandparents 55th wedding anniversary party!" She shouted and I looked down, defeated. I could tell her what was running through my mind, no, I should tell her. We've been dating a year... I know she would understand. But it just hurts too much to talk about.

"Nick... please, please talk to me. My grandparents really want to meet you, and this day is special to them... it's special to me, without them I wouldn't have a mom and then there wouldn't be me, then_ us_, you _and_ me, wouldn't be possible." Her voice softened and I felt her presence closer to me. She put her hands on my chest and moved them down to my hips, tugging me closer to her. She was probably hoping that I'd give in, but I wasn't in the mood. I shook me head.

"Tell me what's really going on." She said and tilted my head so I was looking at her eyes.

"Nick, come on, just tell me." Why did she always have to know everything? Why was she so controlling? I don't understand why she couldn't just leave me alone!

"No." I said firmly.

"No... no no no no NO! I don't have to explain myself to you, just leave me alone, okay!" The blood in my system boiled to a max and I clenched my teeth and shook my head.

"Nick, stop, look I love you, and I wanna help you, so please tell me what's wrong, please!"

"Fine! You wanna know why I can't go to your grandparents anniversary? Because 10 years ago on _that_ day my mom died from fucking cancer and _every_ year we go to the fucking cemetery and visit her and I'm not the emotional type of guy and I don't wanna talk about this fucking stuff 'cause it makes me upset, so thanks, thanks a lot Miley for making me uncomfortable, _forcing_ me to talk about something that I haven't talked about in 10 fucking years!" I shouted at her, pushing her away from me. I just wanted to get the fuck away from her. I shoved past her stormed over to the door.

"I'm sorry! Okay? I didn't know, I'm sorry... you only told me about your mom once and didn't even elaborate... I'm sorry." She cried out and I turned to her.

"D-do-don't talk me t-to me. J-j-jus-just stop!" I forced out and left her room. I heard her footsteps following after me as I went down the stairs and out the front door.

"Nick! Will you just talk to m-" I heard her say as she grabbed my shoulder and without thinking I turned around and pushed her down.

"Shut up!" I yelled and stormed away.

As I walked down the road, I started to cool off. I don't know what came over me. I was probably just cranky from getting up so early and not sleeping well... all I can think about it how I last saw Miley, on her hands and knees, looking up at me with hair in her face, masking what seemed to be a scared reaction. I don't know what came over me.

* * *

**I think every chapter of this story will be about this length, but they will come out fequently as long as the reviews give me encouragement. =]**


	3. Chapter 2

**Mania**

**Chapter 2**

_Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz._

I jumped at the sudden vibration of my phone on the wooden bench and stopped tapping my fingers to look at the text.

_I'm not mad at you, please come back. -Miles xox_

That was about the 20th message from her asking me to come back. I did want to go back, but then I didn't want to. It was 6 at night and by now her parents would be home from work and she probably told them what happened, now they'll really hate me.

I understand I was a jerk, I just don't know what happened earlier. I didn't mean to push her down, she just got me so angry and I was already so upset and I had no control over myself.

After sitting for a few more minutes, ignoring the phone call that came after the text, I realized how hungry I was. I haven't eaten anything since the morning. I stood up and began walking out of the park, only to realize that the only way to get to my house was to pass Miley's. I can't avoid her forever. I have to go back. I have to make things right.

It's been about ten years since my mom died. I usually don't take the day so personal... I don't know why I freaked out the way I did. I guess I can visit my mom then go to the party... I don't think she'd mind. Or maybe Miley wouldn't mind if I showed up a little late.

I soon found myself approaching her driveway. Her parents' cars were in the driveway. What was I thinking? I turned around and took about ten steps before turning around again and marching towards her house, across her lawn and up the steps in her porch. I was just about to knock on the door when I heard a voice.

"You finally decided to stop by?" Great.

I turned to see her brother sitting on a chair, putting a book down.

"Yeah... I uh, I was... busy." I said and he looked at me shaking his head. He stood up and walked over to me.

"If you _ever_ put your hands on her again I will-"

"What? You'll what? You'll act like you're gonna kill me when we both know she'd just end up hating you if _you_ laid a hand on _me_!" I said and shoved him back lightly. I didn't see what was coming next because I was suddenly being pushed down the steps.

I stumbled backwards and grasped onto the railing, right before hitting the ground. I walked backwards off the last step so I was on the cement as her brothers started walking towards me.

"Can you... not get me upset?" I asked through my teeth, turning to walk away. I knew this was a bad idea.

Deja vu. I felt someone tug at my shoulder pulling me back and I turned and pushed him to the ground, only he didn't fall down as easily as Miley. He stumbled back and then lunged for me, swinging his fist towards my face, luckily I moved out of the way, causing him to miss. The next thing I knew, something collided with my head and I blacked out for a second. I fell back and quickly stood up, tackling him into the railing on the porch. I threw a punch at him and he fell sideways, causing both of us to hit the ground.

"What the- stop it!" I heard someone shout in the background as I straddled Miley's brother and punched his face, missing as he turned his head to the left. I felt someone pull me off of him as I struggled to fight them off. They had my arms behind my back so I kicked and tried to elbow them, but nothing worked. They finally threw me down and I found myself on the other side of the lawn. I slowly stood up and wiped the blood dripping from my nose. I saw Miley, standing with a horrified look on her face next to her mom, her brother was standing next to her dad, who I assume was the one who picked me up, only to throw me back down.

I rubbed my eye with my palm, which was now stinging as I felt more blood trickle down from my nose to my mouth. I stood there, shamelessly, breathing heavy, as Miley's mom tried to pull her inside with her brother and dad. My face contorted into pain as I watched her walk up the steps and look back once.

I turned around and started walking down the street. I heard yelling going on inside their house as I completely passed it and I looked over to see Miley yelling at her brother through the window.

I rubbed my eye again, this time it stopped stinging, and I continued my way down the road.

In the distance I heard quiet footsteps behind me but I didn't turn around.

"Hey..." An out of breath Miley caught up to me and she stood in front of me, causing me to stop.

"I was gonna call your name but I figured you'd just run and then it'd be harder to catch up to you." She explained and I nodded once and looked down.

"Nick, I'm sorry. I'm sorry about this morning and my brother... I just, I didn't know. Then my brother got home and saw I was upset and he got it out of me. But you know how he is, all protective and shit. Please don't be upset with me." Why would I be upset with her? She did nothing wrong. I freaked out about nothing.

"I'm not, Miles. I..." I looked up at her but all I pictured was her on the ground when I pushed her, and the look on her face. She looked terrified. How could I even do that? How could I let my anger get the best of me and throw her to the ground and yell at her the way I did? Shouldn't she hate me?

"Why aren't you mad at me?" I asked, confused.

"I just couldn't be. I understand that I hit a sensitive topic with you and that's my fault. I shouldn't have pushed you so far. I apologize."

"So do I... I lost control. I'm really sorry. I understand that I wasn't being fair, I should have just told you, but I just wasn't ready to talk about it."

"No, no. It's fine, you don't have to talk about it. I don't want you to if you don't want to. Talk when you're ready." She said and smiled sympathetically at me.

"I'll uhm... I did some thinking and I decided that I'd go to your grandparents anniversary." I told her and her face lit up. Her smile was so big that it just made me smile too. She leaned in and hugged me so tight, it was like all I wanted to do was have her here in my arms. I was confused when I felt the hug loosen. She let go and looked at me, moving her hands into mine.

"Are you sure you wanna go? My family is pretty upset with you." She told me but I figured that. I didn't care anymore. I just couldn't. Look where caring what they thought of me got me.

"I know, but since when has that ever stopped me?" I said smiled at her. She smiled back and leaned up, meeting me halfway as we met in a soft kiss.

"Thank you... I love you." She said quietly and rested her head on my shoulder.

"I love you, too." I told her and she looked up at me.

"Let's go take care of those injuries of yours." She said, lightly touching near my eye, causing me to wince and we walked down the street, towards my house, hand in hand.

"Courtesy of your brother." I said jokingly.

"Sorry about that."

"It's not your fault. None of this is your fault."

* * *

**Please review. I only got 2 reviews last chapter but so many story alerts and story faves... just tell me what you think and what I could maybe improve one, please. =]**

**thanks for reading!**


End file.
